Slaying my inner goth

There are some things that I am certain of...

• I am certain that I will never fit into a pair of jeans from Miss Selfridge, as the sizes only come in bulimic, anorexic and Nadine from Girls Aloud. All of which are the actual sizes of Barbie's clothing.

• I will never walk into a supermarket and be able to spend less than 15 minutes looking at cheese. I discovered early in my own supermarket shopping experiences that cheese is expensive, and comes in many wonderful varieties. So many in fact, that I often find myself pulled into a cheese choosing vortex of confusion. And will always default to low fat cheddar and curse myself for doing so. 

• When re-living memories in my head, playing out possible scenarios of an event, or just imagining random conversations- I will always find myself pulling an expression to match the situation as it plays out. Whilst re-living arguments, I have often caught my reflection and it is either in a scowl, an angry pout, or features an indignant eyebrow raise fitting the situation.

• And I am certain that the moody-without-a-cause gothic teen within, will never let me fully embrace a sense of optimism. This goth girl of course was my teenage self. Now she is an inner-bitch-nightmare. She is 14, over-weight, dealing with stretchmarks (that mum probably should have warned her about- if only she'd known to moisturise regularly!)an over-active libido that has no outlet, except in (frequent) masturbatory fantasies, NHS glasses which are forever askew and the knowledge that no matter how hard we try, the left eyebrow will never fully match the right.

So yes- she's a flipping nightmare at times even now. What I'm getting at is this: no matter how wonderful an occasion is, there's this nagging teen-goth-bitch who wants to pull it apart. I think to an extent we all have this, maybe not Goth, but teen self, who has an influence at times we don't necessarily intend them to. 

In some ways it's a struggle, but I think over the years we can   placate this teen self, to stop them from developing further, or taking over. Mine has been fed copious amounts of sex, too much food (although the gym, which she hates, has helped counteract some of the side effects)and the knowledge that our eyebrows are as close to symmetrical as we can ever get them- and that's not too bad! 

I think what this long-winded drivel means is- we don't have to let our past dictate our future, but there's no sense in pretending it isn't there. Work with it, grow from it and get on with it- and you will be fine... In theory.