At the moment...
I've been living apart from C. for about 3 weeks. I never knew it'd be this hard. Which sounds a bit harsh, but I literally thought I'd be ok, and rise above it all. Truth is, it's awful. On top of that, all my routines have changed. I miss weird stuff, like my own pans and kitchen.I miss eating at 6.30. I miss my bed, and being woken by my cat trying to lick my face. I miss my dodgy shower that only spat out cold water, unless you ran the bath tap. I miss hiding fags in the undergrowth of the garden because I'm too lazy to put them in the bin, and don't want the other neighbours to see them. I miss scaring the shit out of the guy that lived upstairs every morning, because he always seemed to forget I'd be on the outside step smoking at that time. I miss my well stocked freezer, I miss the wardrobe door which was always precariously leaning, threatening to fall at any moment. I miss the window box that my cat woukd sleep in. I miss curling up on the sofa with C. watching our tv shows, with my legs draped on his. Fuck.
I'm trying tp stay positive. I'm hoping if I think positive, I'll start to take on the characteristics of an optimism. It's not the end of the world. I must sound so ungrateful, but it's hard to be outside of my own head at the moment. It makes a difference having people back in the house, I just need to stop bloody counting days (approx 145, for your information).
Ok the mantra from here will be: I can do this.
Keep it simple, why not? might make it a bit more doable xxx
